Cricketer's Wife

“Ah! You’re a cricket widow. Just like your mum.”

I’ll never forget the mixed feelings I had when one of my Dad’s former teammates said this to me. He’d just discovered my husband was playing cricket most weekends.

My reaction was to scoff as the penny dropped and, fleetingly, I thought ‘OMG, I’m turning into my Mom.’

Fleeting, because it was quickly replaced with, ‘Well, that’s not such a bad thing. I like my Mom.’

And then I remember thinking that the label ‘cricket widow’ doesn’t sit quite right with me.  

What is a cricket widow?

Cricket widow is so damn negative. It refers to the partner of a cricket player who, more often than not, doesn’t like the sport. (Or wholeheartedly resents it.) They endure a long summer of suffering, simmering with anger as they lose their partner every Saturday and Sunday.

While the cricketer is out for the whole day—preparing the ground pre-game, playing the game, then drinking afterwards—the partner is left alone to deal with the housework, the kids, and being the family representative at every weekend social event.

While researching this post, I came across a Sun-Herald article published in 1956. It was titled, Cricket widows and cricket wives – which are you?.

Set against a backdrop of an Ashes summer with Aussies staying up until the wee hours in order to listen to the BBC test match radio broadcasts (oh, how little things have changed), it interviewed couples who shared a passion for the sport and those that went their separate ways once the coverage came on.

There are ‘cricket wives’ – who love to sit up and listen-in with their husbands – and ‘cricket widows’ – near screaming pitch at the mention of cricket, who go off to bed.

Sun-Herald, 1956

I know which camp I’m in.

Being a cricket widow sounds shit

Not seeing your partner for an entire season is lonely. I can appreciate that. Thinking back to my own childhood, I wonder if there were times my Mom felt this frustration? (I should probably just ask her.) But then I remember how fiercely independent my Mom was, and still is. If there’s something she wants to do, she finds a way to do it.

There are also a handful of occasions when, in my own relationship, I’ve thought, ‘Can you just not? Not this weekend.’ But these moments are rare.

I’m sure I would feel very differently if I had 4 kids to wrangle and he knobbed off for a whole weekend.

Or if he bailed on our anniversary or my birthday because he had to play or watch cricket. (Although I’ve had my fair share of birthday and cricket season clashes.)

It certainly helps that I enjoy cricket. I’ve got no problem with spending my weekends sitting on the cricket boundary, reading books, listening to podcasts, and chatting with the other plays and spectators. And on the weekends, I don’t want to go to the cricket I’m ecstatic that I have some time to myself. 

I prefer cricket wife, not cricket widow

My other issue with the term cricket widow is that it implies it’s enforced. That the partner had no say in whether their other half heads off to go and play cricket or not. And I know for some, this is the case.

Becoming a widow isn’t something a sane person chooses. When someone is widowed, the decision is out of their hands. It happens to them whether they like it or not.

And this isn’t my experience. I’m not widowed by a sport.

Very fortunately, I’m in a marriage where his availability is always up for discussion. (Especially since our son arrived.) Our partnership comes first, so I only ever feel like his very alive and very vocal wife.

Are you a cricket wife or cricket widow?

This blog was very nearly called ‘The Cricket Widow.’ I’m glad I didn’t go ahead with that. (And that the domain name was already taken.) Because reading all of the mum forums and handful of mainstream articles about cricketing widows, it wouldn’t have been right.

Cricket widows hate the sport, whether it’s due to a lack of interest or a built-up resentment thanks to their partner’s inability to compromise. And that’s just not me and hasn’t been my experience. Where do you sit on the scale? Cricket wife, or cricket widow?